So it’s been a while since I wrote anything, I found it hurts to think about the past, It’s quite annoying to keep reminding myself of the mistakes I made, I must say I am missing a dear friend more and more lately, sometimes we take for granted the ease of just reaching out and saying “Hi” if only my phone had that reach to send you an “I miss you bro” but I doubt there is a signal there.
Only thing I can hope if that you are at peace, as your boy isn’t, what can I say, I haven’t been at peace for years, but don’t worry my dear friend a reunion is imminent, we will, as it’s said in the nordic culture,” warriors feast on the flesh of a boar slaughtered daily and made whole again each evening. We drink liquor that flows from the udders of a goat.”
People think that as we get older things get easier, something that still makes me laugh, that comment is one of the biggest lies that has ever been uttered, as we get older we tend to find new ways to hide the pain, the trauma, the chaos in our mind that takes over and seems to grasp our breath like the room no longer has oxygen, we find ways to make sense of the world, how it will hurt you, how it will bring you to your knees and show you that you are nothing more than human.
I find myself in this part of my life where making sense of the situations around me is becoming even more tiresome than normal, the average emotions that use to occupy my brain and now filled with dangerous thoughts, painful thoughts, replaying memories and making me feel cold and heartless.
I feel the only way to get through life at this stage is continue the countdown and remind myself that there is an ending, as much as I cant wait for that day, there is clearly more to learn in the next 5 years, which I welcome but I am reminded often that the end is not far off.
That seems to be the only light at the end of the tunnel.