As I fly through life, hoping to find peace I have come to the conclusion that I will only find it once I take my last breathes, my soul as many people know is exhausted and needs to rest, I can feel that this should be my last lifetime, my last shot at this.
It’s been a very long time since I posted on here, a lot has happened, I had some idiot make up lies to create more hatred in the one I love, I’ve had moments of true breakthroughs and even more breakdowns.
As my life gets closer to its end I start to realize that its okay to handle loss at the level I have, it’s okay to feel love and to show it but sometimes my glass completely drains.
I have learnt a few of my own toxic traits and that is pushing people away from me so they cant hurt me and once they leave I get to say “I told you so”.
I sit and welcome the end every day, I expect my last years to be filled with happiness, not just for me but for the ones I’ve hurt, people enjoy making me the monster and to be quite honest, I am one.
Please understand, I try to show so much but its so hard, its so painful to allow people this access.
I’ve shown a very little few and those who have stayed have shown me so much and those who have left I can’t be angry with; I would leave me to.
The world is an extremely dark place for me, every day is a struggle not to end it sooner, not to get past this waiting, to just go and set my soul to rest.